So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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