I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
