And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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