he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
