My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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