ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
