meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
