the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
