remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
