I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
