I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
