I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
