I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
