yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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