I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
