If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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