your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
