Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
