bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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