6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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