i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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