Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
