Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
