I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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