Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
