that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
