But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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