i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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