my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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