I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
