I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
