Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
