Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
