I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
