Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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