oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
