Your favorite bartender is back from prision
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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