if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
