Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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