you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
