I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
