dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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