i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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