I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
