Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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