What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
