Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
