I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
