apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
