he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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