I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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