You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
