Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
