nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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