Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
