Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
